Lots of Ass-Kicking!

** SPOILER ALERT **
Do not read any further if you plan to see this movie!
** SPOILER ALERT **

Apparently, there’s a big-ass space ship hovering over the entire city.

The space ship is empty, it’s former inhabitants now living in a tent city on the outskirts of Johannesburg. These aliens are called “S’crimps” because they look like tasty shellfish.

So Wikus is in love with this girl named Penelope Widmore, whose dad, Charles, is a giant asshole. Charles is always scheming and trying to find some island. I sure hope by “island,” he doesn’t mean “spaceship,” because that thing is floating above his head the whole time! Anyway, Charles doesn’t want his daughter, Penelope, to be with Wikus, so he plots to put Wikus in charge of “relocating” 1.8 million S’crimps.

Wikus sticks his face where it doesn’t belong, and eats a face-full of space dust, which slowly causes him to mutate into a S’crimp.

That’s when Wikus and one of the S’crimps named “Christopher” get all Lethal Weapon and shit, taking out humans left and right like any good “buddy flick” duo must. There’s also this totally cool Steven Segal part, where Wikus and Christoper open a can of whoop on some Nigerian drug ‘n gun traffickers.

Thanks to his mutated alien arm, Wikus can operate the organic alien weaponry. One of the guns makes people explode like a frog in a microwave. It’s so totally kick ass, they show it about 48 times.

Anyway, Wikus and Chris then go all Terminator 2 by breaking into Skynet to steal this technology that Skynet shouldn’t have. Chris needs it to “phone home.”

Then, more ass-kicking and frog-nuking.

Chris uses the Skynet technology to fire up the big-ass spaceship. Chris splits, leaving all his S’crimp buddies and Wikus, who eventually morphs entirely into a S’crimp.

The documentary ends by explaining that because Wikus was such a lame-ass, incompetent worker, Dunder-Mifflin gets some freelancers to do his job for him. These consultants successfully relocate all the shellfish to another area, called “District 10.”

Hey, I have an idea: They could totally make a sequel, and call it District 10. That would be rad.

The Viper Room Stage Sign

My prevailing thought this morning, after seeing L.A.-based rock band Hypnogaja live at The Viper Room (great live music venue once owned by Johnny Depp): I need to go out and see more local bands.

Seriously, Hypnogaja’s music is superior to 95% of the music we hear on Rock, New Rock and Modern Rock radio.

To my ear, Lead singer Jason Arnold’s (AKA “ShyBoy“) voice floats somewhere between Aaron Lewis (STAIND) and Maynard James Keenan (Tool, A Perfect Circle, Puscifer). The band also features guitarist Jean-Yves “Jeeve” Ducornet, keyboardist Mark Nubar Donikian, drummer Adrian Barnardo and bassist Bryan Farrar.

Hypnogaja Live at The Viper Room (2009)

The bands touring resume (playing with acts Shinedown, Saliva, 311, Cold and Godhead) gives a strong indication toward their sound. Yet Hypnogaja feels more “accessible” — radio-friendly, even! — as compared to others in their genre. I mean, keyboards and gorgeous harmonies? The fearless audacity! Who do they think they are, Saigon Kick?! (Full disclosure: SK is one of my all-time favorite bands).

The band has been playing L.A. for ten years, clearly enjoying a good following. Case in point: After their set (playing first), the room literally CLEARED OUT; everyone was there to see them. If you’re in or around L.A., I urge you to check out this utterly sick band before you have to pay stadium ticket prices to do so. I can’t wait to see them again soon, hopefull next time they play The Whiskey!

"ShyBoy" Arnold and Chelsea, outside The Viper Room (right where River Phoenix OD'd)

Ladysmith Black Mambazo (1988)

The best part about this show was seeing it with my father. I only saw two shows with my dad (the other being 10,000 Maniacs). This show happened in 1988, my senior year in high school. I wasn’t a big fan of Ladysmith Black Mambazo, but everybody knew who they were; Their collaboration with Paul Simon on Simon’s 1986 album, “Graceland” made them international stars.

In 1988, the year I saw them, Ladysmith Black Mambazo also appeared in Michael Jackson’s movie Moonwalker, where they performed “The Moon Is Walking.” Since today was Michael Jackson’s public memorial/funeral here in Los Angeles, I decided to post my memory of this show now.

It was a fun show. With incredible vocal harmonies, unintelligible lyrics and mellow, choreographed movements, it was a chance to just sit back and go with the flow. Both my dad and I really enjoyed it. I would definitely see them again!

Neither ticket-purchasing criteria mattered. This was a spoken-word tour, devoid of any music. Not that I didn’t *enjoy* the show… but I really wanted to hear “Coolsville.”

Jokes aside, it was a moving and funny show by one of America’s most important (IMO) Performance Artists.

Laurie Anderson (1991)

The event that made this show special to me, actually occurred *after* the show. My show-going buddy (and musical/artistic GURU, Ernie) and I stopped by the fine French restaurant where we both worked. We were surprised to find that Laurie Anderson and her entourage were already in the restaurant eating!

Cautiously, Ernie and I approached the table to express our appreciation of the show and of the artist herself. Ms. Anderson was gracious and funny, signing both of our ticket stubs.

It was a great experience.

The brainchild of Jane’s Addiction frontman Perry Farrell, this was the first major concert festival of my generation… a veritable Woodstock for us Gen-Xers.

The line-up was astonishing, and included Jane’s Addiction, Siouxsie & the Banshees, Living Colour, Nine Inch Nails, Ice-T & Body Count, Butthole Surfers, Rollins Band, Violent Femmes and Fishbone.

Yum!

Lollapalooza (1991)

I’d already seen Nine Inch Nails and Siouxsie live, but it was such a treat to see Ice-T (even though I prefer his Hip-Hip stuff like “Power” and “Rhyme Pays” to his Nu-Metal “Body Count” stuff). I also really enjoyed Rollins Band and was pleasantly surprised by Living Colour.

I recall just one unpleasantry: I got a massive headache around the time Gibby Haynes and Butthole Surfers took the stage. It wasn’t the music I hated, it was Gibby firing off his stupid, fake shotgun! Oh my God, it was SOOO loud!

Nikka Costa (2001)

I attended this show with a friend who really loves Nikka Costa. I had not heard of her before we saw this show at the Knitting Factory in Hollywood. Come to think of it, I don’t think I’ve heard of her since the show in Hollywood.

Oh snap.

Seriously, though, I was not impressed with Ms. Costa or opening artist, Miranda Lee Richards. I was, however, happy to take in a show at the famed Knitting Factory (my first show at that venue).

Public Enemy (1990)

I was a sophomore at the University of Michigan School of Art in 1990. My best friend, Andrew, and I were seriously bummed when word came around that the much-anticipated (for us, at least) “Sisters of Mercy and Public Enemy” tour was announced… then quickly canceled.

Rumor was that promoters feared a a clash between white fans of “Sisters…” and PE’s predominantly black following.

So I was really excited to learn that Public Enemy opted to stay on tour. Sadly, the closest venue to my boys and me? Windsor.

As in ONTARIO.

As in CANADA.

Sigh. No matter. We were determined to see PE live, so we got tickets and went to the show. I think the memory that sticks out the most, to me, is my memory-visual of the U.S./Canada border. I recall our car, filled with college-aged white boys, breezed through, while every car pulled off to the side… yeah, of course. “Brothuhs and Sistuhs.”

Hmmmph.

“I got a right to be hostile! My people been persecuted!”

Effin’ show was brilliant. I’m so glad I left the country to see Public Enemy in their heyday.

REO Speedwagon (1987)

1987 was my Junior year in high school. I remember really liking REO Speedwagon when I was in, like, elementary school. That would be around the time of REO’s “Hi Infidelity” which featured killer tracks like, “Don’t Let Him Go,” “Keep On Loving You,” and “Take It on the Run.”

I’m pretty sure REO had a new album to support for this tour, but I wouldn’t know which album it was… or whether they had any big singles. Judging by the venue (the University of Michigan’s basketball arena, which is pretty small), I’m guessing their popularity had waned considerably from their early ’80s heyday of sell-out stadium tours.

All I remember from the show was the fact that several band-members looked like they were on their way to a Renaissance Festival. Tall, brown, suede lace-up boots, vests and poofy shirts.

It was a little alarming.

Nine Inch Nails (1990)

I don’t remember a lot about this show, except the following:

1) A Sea of Black clothes

2) Sweat. Lots and lots of sweat

3) Some jackass imitating Eddie Vedder by doing the backwards “dead fall” from the balcony into the crowd.

OK, #3 was actually pretty cool. I, myself, have a dubious history of crowd-involved histrionics (see my earlier blog about the Transvision Vamp show… sigh). But this dude, the one at the NIN show, was just fearless.

I am very happy I saw this early show, as I also had tickets for NIN opening up for Peter Murphy the following year, but I ended up in the hospital on the day of the show… I hate that I missed that show! I also enjoyed NIN at Lollapalooza in ‘92, but that’s just not the same thing as seeing such a cool band in a tiny venue like St. Andrew’s Hall.

Oh! One other memory: When opening act Meat Beat Manifesto took the stage, some dude was dancing around the stage, dressed like a giant crocodile. Or dinosaur. Or maybe Barney. I don’t think it was Jack Dangers, but it might have been. Pretty funny, looking back.

Sinéad O'Connor (1992)

Nope, I didn’t get to see Sinéad live until she toured in support of her second record, “I Do Not Want What I Haven’t Got” (1990). I remember how much she blew up in America, after the video for her cover of the Prince-penned “Nothing Compares 2 U” hit MTV. Ah, what a few tears will get you. Remember that video?! It was on all the time!

I bought two tickets for the show, not really knowing who might go with me. I had one good friend who was also into Sinéad, but it was August and we were in school… so he was still back in New York. My oldest brother, Matt — admittedly not a big Sinéad fan, even then — thought it might be cool to check her out, so I happily went with him.

So Matt took me on his motorcycle (I had to ride “Bitch,” of course. Sigh.) from our town of Ann Arbor to Clarkston, Michigan, site of an outdoor amphitheater called “Pine Knob.” I saw countless shows there, and it was actually a good venue.
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Then, about 45 minutes into the show, she uttered a final “thank you,” and walked off the stage. For good. The lights came on (I don’t think it was even dark outside yet!), and the crowd just stood around starting at the stage. No one believed that could be the show. Surely, $22.50 was enough money to give us some semblance of a performance, right?

Mmmm. Guess not. Sinéad O’Connor performed live in 1990, in Michigan, for less time than it takes to rip up a picture of the Pope.